Sammy

“I’m a third of a century old,

I’m female and always have been,

I’m white, I’m British, I’m straight.

I wish that was irrelevant.

My parents are together, they own their house,

I went to private school for a couple of years,

I had camping holidays in Spain as a kid.

I’m a bit overweight.

My imposter syndrome is based on my education level not my biology, the colour of my skin, my accent or my religion.

I’ve rarely felt unsafe in my life.

I’ve never had someone mispronounce my name.

I’m fairly intelligent.

I am well received and I have found my way without many barriers.

I carry guilt that my life has been easy.

It’s had a few bumps in the road but nothing I couldn’t handle. Nothing major.

I feel guilty for most things – and I apologise for them, over and over and over again. Sorry you trod on my toe, sorry we started the meeting without you when you were late, sorry you missed your bus, sorry you dog died, sorry you misunderstood me, sorry I had it easy.

2020 has been an incredible year for me.

My partner and I were both suffering with depression, burn out and anxiety.

We couldn’t and wouldn’t have stopped our world in order to check it or change it.

2020 stopped the whole world and gave us a chance to breath, to refocus, to prioritise, to take stock and to change. Our life is more balanced, our home is tidier, our relationship is better connected.

We got chickens.

My most recent reason to apologise – survivor guilt.”


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